Naturally anything transgender has the potential to be volatile, but that is not the point of this.
I've been thinking about this subject off and on for a while. My 16 year old and 14 year old daughters each have a friend who is transgender. They sometimes seem to be asking me what I think, or they will (unknowingly, I think) phrase their comments in a way that they are looking for answers about *what* to think about it. I offer my own opinion but I really don't know a lot about it. I don't have any friends or associates that fall into that description. I only relate my own personal identity journey as a reference.
I don't have time to do a lot of research but what little I've done is not helping my search for a good response to my children. I hope I'm saying something that gives them a frame on which to hang their own opinions. My problem is, what if I'm just so wrong that I should just keep my mouth shut? I step very lightly with what I say here. They seem to like their transgender acquaintances and I don't want to change that. I don't agree with the path that their parents are taking with actively allowing their child to change their gender at such an early age and I doubt that is a popular thought.
Let me clarify.
My own journey was confusing to me as what my gender should be. When I was an elementary aged person, I desperately wanted to be a boy. I felt like a boy, I wore boy clothes, I had a boy-like hair cut, I did boy-like things, I had male friends (and not bestie girl friends). For all intents and purposes, I led a boy life, and I wanted more than anything to physically be what I felt. My grandmother, who was my adopted mother, let me be who I was. When I was very small, she put girl things on me but I changed that as soon as I could and I was uncomfortable in the girl role. As I grew up and faced that fact that I had girl parts (and that was an ugly realization!), I did my best to be satisfied with what I was given. I made my way through puberty and adolescence and I worked hard to like who I was, what I was made to be. BUT, it took a very long time. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I could develop friendships with girls. I can't help but think that if I grew up with a modern family in modern times, they would have put me on hormones and strapped a breast reducing device around me. I believe that most kids have to make that journey to decide who they really are, and that includes gender. I am NOT saying that people are not transgender, but I am saying to let them get to know themselves and their identities before it gets changed.
Here is what I tell my kids: It's okay to like who you like, as long as they are a good person and treat you well. I don't care if they are male, female, or in-between. I don't agree with their parents making an active change in their physical identities until they figure out their mental identities, but their choices are none of my business. It seems to me that, if a truly transgender person gets through adolescence and decides they need to make their physical self align with their mental self, then that is totally appropriate. More importantly, my children, is don't let perceived roles decide your gender. I'm a woman but I like building things, using power tools, working out & weight lifting, not wearing much (if any) makeup, male friends or girl friends without drama, and many other "male-like" activities. It's just who I am. And, I birthed & nursed children, learned to cook (which I still dislike), grew my hair in a more feminine style, and learned to accept my role. Not everyone will have such an easy journey, and that's okay, too. Just be who you are regardless of what other people do.
I'm sure I'll tick off someone, but just let it go. I'm doing the best I can.
